The Races

I hate horses. Let’s just get this out of the way to begin with. A horse, to me, has the same mentality as a cat. A cat will let you stroke its back and scratch it ears, but as soon as it becomes tired of your antics, it will try to kill you. A horse has the same temperament. If it does not approve, it will try to hurt you. The reason I don’t like horses and I do like cats is because when cats decide they’ve had enough, they feebly try to scratch and hiss. A horse, on the other hand, weighs much more than a human and can therefore injure or kill it easily. I hate horses because they can kill me easily, and they’re easily spooked.

Even though I have a certain animosity (read: fear) of horses, I nonetheless like to see them. They are amazing creatures, just like cats. So when the biannual Fukushima horse races began, I decided I must attend. What could be better than to sit in the cool sunshine, with the colors of autumn all around and a crisp breeze, doing the same thing, in the same spot, as people 200 years ago?

I arrived at the race track, one of the nicest buildings in all of Fukushima. This is one of those places that they built to attract people to an otherwise unremarkable city. There are only 5 places, give or take, in Japan that host horse racing. Fukushima is one of them. There were rumors that we might see some celebrities. The rumor is that celebrities bring their extra marital affairs up to Fukushima, from Tokyo of course, to watch the horses and not get caught by the media. I wouldn’t know a Japanese celebrity anyway. I was there for the excitement of the sport. And to gamble. And to eat and drink beer.

100 yen was all it cost to enter. That is about $1.15. After that, one could, in theory, enjoy a full day of excitement for not a penny, or better yet, not a yenny (1 yen, or a yent) more. But who could resist then opportunity to actually make money while one enjoys a sport? I know I couldn’t, and cant. I immediately found a program and began to skillfully and tactfully choose my horses on nothing but their names. In keeping with tradition, the horses had the most ridiculous names possible which made choosing fun and difficult. A few notable examples: Eugenic Blue, Gingei (a type of fish), Miguel, World Rolex, Ti Amo Brio, Universe Guy, and Smile King. I could go on an on. I usually bet on which ever horse had the most striking name, and if there was a gaijin (foreigner) horse, I would bet on him or her. There were a few from the USA and a few from Ireland.

You place your bet by filling in a super complicated card that looks like a standardized school test sheet. Lots of bubbles, number 2 pencils. After that, run it through and machine, add money, and collect your receipt. I usually only bet 100 yen at a time, but on the last race I went big and bet (and lost 1000) yen. Thankfully, we had a Japanese speaking friend with us that figured out the betting cards….somewhat.

The first time my skill with name choosing paid off, I had bet incorrectly, and although I had chosen the winning horse, some other parameter wasn’t met and I was sadly paid no money. It is really demeaning to walk back to the machine with a big grin, insert your receipt with the expectation of money, and receive nothing but a giant exclamation point on the screen and a very polite and very Japanese explanation that they cannot pay you any money at this time. Keep trying sucker is what it really says.

I simplified my betting formula and streamlined my choosing algorithm. I now chose only the gaijin horses. One horse, first place, all or nothing was my bet. And I won. Yes, that is a picture of your’s truly with a victory ticket. I chose Gingei to come in first place and he did. I had bet 100 yen and was a paid back 500 yen. It was sublime. I immediately bought a victory beer which cost 400 yen. Thank you Gingei!

The races are in Fukushima for the duration of November. Since I have officially been diagnosed with gambling fever, I shall return next weekend, if the weather permits, for a fun filled day of sun, gambling, food and drink. And of course, those frightening, yet majestic beasts known as horses.